Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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