You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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