HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
