What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
wow bdsm is so cute
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
