if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
