Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
