seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
