hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize