I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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