The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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