it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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