her vagine was all disorganized.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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