i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize