don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
