Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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