I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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