Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
