He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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