i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize