the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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