I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
