They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
