Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
