I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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