He is an equal opportunity slut.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
