I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
