If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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