yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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