omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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