ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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