watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i think i just lost a toe
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
