Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
