Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
