I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
