Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
