I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
