My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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