dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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