I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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