I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
