i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
