Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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