she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
