It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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