Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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