Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
