Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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