i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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