I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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