I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
