Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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