hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
