he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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