I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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