ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
