Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
