She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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