Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize