I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
