My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
