I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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