Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
