I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
