Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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