Nicole vs. Life
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
