i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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