i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
