I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
