get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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