I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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