She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
