I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize