first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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