one might say we're banned from that church
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
