tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
