I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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