Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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