Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
