he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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