Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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