I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize