i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So drunk its hurt
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
