I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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