Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
