You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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