I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
