What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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