Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
