we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
