At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
