I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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