how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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