Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
