she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
