when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize