I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
