Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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