I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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