I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
