Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
