we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
