You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
