Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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