somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
