Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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