I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
