if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
