I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He passed out mid-signature
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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