I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
