actually, I'm a sock model
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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