He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
